I'm going to be 40 years old next month. I never planned to wait this long to have children. I always thought I'd meet someone in college just like my parents did. I grew-up in a happy intact family, went to a private Christian College, graduated, and moved to Colorado to be a Nanny. I lived there nannying for the same family for 12 years. Friends at church were always eager to fix me up, but with no luck. One day my neighbor came over with a picture of her nephew in Michigan and said, "I think you two should meet." We did. We dated long distance for about 9 months. Then I took 2 months off work and got a small furnished apartment in Michigan for the Summer of 2007. By the end of the Summer, we were engaged.
November 2007 we got married and I moved to Michigan. I feel I must say at this point, because of the nature of this blog, that I didn't engage in sexual relations until I was married. I was always healthy with regular cycles. I had no reason to think I would have any fertility problems. I even went to my gynecologist in Colorado to have some tests done just to be sure. Everything was fine, but, of course, the parts hadn't been tested and they weren't as young as they used to be! I knew we would want to try and get pregnant soon after we were married because I was 36 years old....and counting.
May 2008, we started really trying. Mainly by watching for my ovulation days. After about 6 months, we decided to just check and make sure we were okay...both of us. The first fertility doctor diagnosed me as peri-menopausal. I cried. He said using donor eggs was our only option. He wouldn't try anything else.
So, we went to the other clinic in town. Dr. D was great and supportive of our decision to look at more options. He agreed it was worth trying some IUI's. Even though they didn't work, we are so thankful that we at least got to try. We don't want to regret anything or ever wonder if we made any hasty decisions. But, after 3 years, numerous uncomfortable procedures, and 5 IUI's, we knew we were at the end. The end of my eggs. They did give us a 1% chance of having kids on our own (though we never stop trying!) We had 4 choices at this point: adoption, donor egg, adopt an embryo, or do nothing and take the 99% chance that we would be childless.
I have known quite a few people who have struggled with infertility. Most were in their 20's and really emotional about the whole thing. Even then (I was in my mid-20's) I remember thinking, "Come on. You are in your 20's! You have time to spare." Not that it's not an emotional subject. Especially when you're pumped up on Clomid, Estadiol, Prometruim, Lupron, or any other infertility medications. It's financially draining, physically painful (not to mention embarrassing for both partners), and makes life move so slow, but leaves you with no time. All that mixed with the fact that everyone around you is suddenly having babies. In the last 3 years that I've been trying, both neighbors have had a baby, my best friend has had 2, my sister-in-law has had 2, my employer has had 2, my husband's unmarried cousin even had a baby! Even walking through the grocery store with all the parents and their screaming children is saddening at times. If you let yourself, you can feel like the only one in the world who doesn't have children.
Our last IUI was February 2010. Wanting to make the right decision, we took the next 6 months to relax, talk, and most of all pray. I started seeing an acupuncturist and taking some herbal supplements (which I highly recommend). We looked seriously into all our options. We have dear friends and family who are adopted and we both loved this option. We looked into starting the paper work and it was $1000 just to apply. The end total for an infant was $25,000. The time frame was not certain (2 to 3 years). After already waiting 3 1/2 years, it seemed a long time to wait.
Our next favorite option was IVF with a donor egg. We have wonderful insurance that covered most of our infertility so far. With our insurance, this option was about $10,000. The time frame was 3-6 months. We had read articles...some quite controversial. We felt it was important to think about the embryos we would be creating, how many to create, who would get them if something happened to us, what would we tell our baby and how. I kept having the feeling that I was Sarah in the Bible giving Hagar (which would be the donor egg) to Abraham because Sarah was baron. At the end of the day, we DID trust God to lead us. IVF is a blessing to those of us who cannot conceive. We liked that this option would give me the chance to carry a baby, nourish them, and carry to term. So, in September 2010, we decided to try this option and so it began again.
We filled out all the paper work, paid a $2500 payment and waited for a donor. In December they called with wonderful news. A patient going through IVF because of male infertility, wanted to donate her extra eggs. She sounded wonderful, healthy, and kind. We received her profile and decided this was it. We started on Lupron shots in January 2011. So far, the main side effect I've had is insomnia.
Now, you are all caught up. We are waiting to hear from the donor coordinator. Once our cycles are in-line with each other, we'll have 14 days of Lupron and Estrace, 4 days of Prometruim, and then the Embryo transfer will take place. Three embryos will be placed in my uterous.
Hopefully, I'll be letting you know soon when the 18 day calendar starts.
Andy and I have talked about what to do if this doesn't work, but I'll blog about that if that time comes.
